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This one comes with five notes:

Note 1: This poem was inspired by an ad I saw in the subway for breast augmentation surgery. Someone had placed a sticker on the ad which said, "This ad insults women." My first thought was, "Well, couldn't men get breast augmentation surgery, too?" I had six local stops in which to write the poem, which may explain its brevity.

Note 2: For the record though, I do see how ads for breast augmentation surgery insult women. And I suppose this poem could be misconstrued as an insult to women, although that is not my intention. See Note 3.

Note 3: But I do recognize a problem: this poem clearly should be called "Tits." But I don't necessarily like the idea of me having written a poem called "Tits." The Stranglers are one of my favorite bands, but it bothers me that they have a song called "Tits." I don't know the song all that well; it could be perfectly innocuous (as I believe my poem is), but I don't know.

Note 4: I am under no misapprehension that these notes in any way mitigate any offense that may have been caused by my poem. Nor do I believe that I have exonerated myself from the charge of having given offense by acknowledging that I may have caused offense. But I don't believe there is anything offensive or malicious in this poem.

Note 5: Finally, it should be noted that when this poem is performed in public, these notes are not read, rather, I just say "This one is called 'Tits'" or words to that effect.

lyrics

I kind of think it might be nice to have tits. Like so then, if I'm in bed with a woman, we could suck each other's tits.
That sounds kind of nice.
I think that would be hot.

But it's a slippery slope, I would think.
Next I'd probably want long hair and make up and then I'd probably want most of my body hair removed and then, before you know it, I'd want a vagina, and I assume that would mean I wouldn't have a cock anymore, and that would mean that instead of fucking women in the vagina with my cock, I'd be getting fucked in my vagina, with a strap on, because I like women, and even if I had a vagina, I would still want to be fucked by women, not men, which maybe is closed minded of me but there it is.

So probably I shouldn't get tits. So probably I should stop eating so fucking much, else I'm gonna get tits.


c. 2015 John S. Hall

credits

from Fuck Sandwich, released January 19, 2017
John S. Hall - vocals
Susan Hwang - janggu
Ray Brown - percussion
Preston Spurlock - percussion

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Unusual Squirrel image

Unusual Squirrel New York, New York

Unusual Squirrel is:

John S. Hall - vocals
Susan Hwang - janggu, accordion, backing vocals
Ray Brown - guitar, piano, percussion
Preston Spurlock - keyboards, percussion

with special guest Violet S. Hall - violin on "The Quartet," "Monsters," and "Everlasting."

Produced by Charlie Nieland ... more

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